Torey came to the Husband about a month ago asking for money for a journalism camp she’s attending at the end of July. He was a bit taken aback and told her he needed to talk to me – point Husband. When he mentioned it to me I was a bit surprised as this camp was on the summer calendar we received from Jane, which in the past has meant it’s taken care of. If we were asked to contribute something it was worked out before it was put on the calendar.
Husband decided the best course of action was to call Jane directly to see what her perspective was on this and here’s the story:
1) Jane was also surprised said camp cost as much as it did AND that it wasn’t in our town. She’d assumed the camp was through the HS and that it was a “day camp” where the students would go home at night.
2) Jane didn’t find out it cost $$ and was in another city until she noticed Torey’s papers lying around last week – it was NOT something Torey had brought to her attention.
3) There’s a late fee for paying after the 24th – Torey didn’t even mention the money to Husband until the 25th.
Some other key pieces of information:
4) Torey bought herself a car earlier this year and spent all her money on that, to the point she’s struggling to pay for gas for said vehicle.
5) Torey currently has $100 to her name and has offered to put that toward the cost of the camp. Camp costs $300. She originally asked for $200 from Husband, but has now requested $100 from each Husband and Jane (a bit suspicious – was that a bargaining ploy?).
I did a bit more research and found out that if she’d gotten on the ball a month earlier (and yes, I believe she knew about this camp well over a month before she talked to Husband about it) she could have applied for a grant to cover 100% of the cost.
So, my proposal to DH: We’ll loan her the $100 for our 1/3. She has to cover her 1/3 and the late fee. If she wants, she can complete the grant request and submit it to us for a $50 grant. Either way the loan that needs to be paid off before the camp (end of July). If it’s not paid for by the camp we start garnishing her allowance.
Husband didn’t like the loan idea but really liked the grant idea. So…we agreed she could put together her grant “proposal” at which point we will read it, evaluate it and (most likely) provide her the money. Luckily she put together a well-written proposal and we did provide our $100 without issue.
Well this situation reared its ugly head again the other day. Husband received a text from Torey the other day asking if he can drive her to said event. That would mean a 6 hour round-trip. He asked my opinion and I said “Honestly – hell no is my first reaction. Consequences of actions. But if it’s something you want/choose to do I will accept that.”
He and I talked more later. We covered a number of topics including the fact that both of us had thought the transportation issue was covered when we agreed to the grant proposal/money. We were also confused as part of the grant proposal that Torey submitted to us included paragraphs about how this activity was to be a bonding activity for the HS journalism leadership and that all of them were going to be attending, etc. So, from what we can tell, it turns out one other classmate will be there as well as their teacher/adviser. Staff are no longer allowed to transport students so that’s not an option.
Here’s the part where Husband did good (again): he called Jane to get the real story as well as to talk about the options with her as opposed to Torey. (Torey tends to get a bit emotional/overwrought when people disagree with her or her plan for things.) He talked to Jane about the options for getting Torey to the event – bus or train (they have a family friend in the Event Town who could probably provide a ride and/or taxi), HS friend/friend’s parents could drive, OR (omigosh) Torey could drive herself. You know, because she got her license and HAD to have a car. Yes, it is 3 hours but it’s on the freeway, virtually a straight shot, she’s got a new car, a cellphone and (potentially) a friend who’s going and could be co-pilot. Husband said he really wasn’t trying to put it back on Jane but was trying to get Torey to take some responsibility for her choices/actions. Now, we both think Jane will end up driving her…but Husband won’t be! He was really bummed after the call because he feels like Jane totally coddles Torey (the drive is too far, she doesn’t have freeway driving experience, etc.) and his kids have become the epitome of this generation that he doesn’t like.
My only goal – for Torey to take some responsibility for her choices in life and to realize her actions have consequences that can (and do) affect others.
It's a Step Life 