And the positives continue…

As I’ve mentioned, Torey and I have a contentious relationship. She was 12 when I got together with her dad and, it’s funny, we go through periods where everything is great and we go through periods where I want nothing to do with her nor she me. This spring has been especially difficult, she’s overextended herself a bit with challenging classes, she’s an editor for her school’s newspaper, she plays lacrosse and she is LDS and has seminary every morning. All of this means she does not get enough sleep and is constantly stressed about schoolwork. Luckily, as the school year winds down some of her stress dissipates.

The last couple of times she’s been over we have had a great time. She’s been fun and chatty, opening up about school and her activities there. We also talked a bit about her planned schedule for the next couple of years and the – slight – chance she may be overextending herself. Even though we were telling her things she didn’t want to hear – like she might need to take fewer AP classes – she handled it well. And, just a couple of days later she happily played a family game with all of us.

I don’t know if it’s her, me, or the time of year…but I’ll take it.

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“Emergency” cash

Husband likes to know we’re all prepared in case of an emergency and that includes having emergency cash on hand. We gave Ben some to keep in his wallet once he started driving and periodically Husband will check to see that his still has it. The expectation is that if he uses it, it will be for a VERY good and justifiable reason.

Well, Torey just started driving and Husband decided to give her some emergency cash as well. Sounds reasonable, right? Sure…except for two things: 1) because of some recent large purchases, Torey has no money right now and 2) she leaves on a four-day school trip today. Temptation thy name is CASH!

So I mentioned to Husband (and yes, this made me feel like Evil Stepmom) that he should probably check with her, after her trip, that she still has it. Part of me honestly thinks she’ll spend it. Part of me thinks she won’t. For Husband’s sake I hope she doesn’t. The Evil Stepmom kind of hopes she does.

Why do I “hope” she does? Torey has figured out how to live without parental structure or consequences. Her Mother has founds it’s easier to just let her do her own thing (luckily Torey, at this point, isn’t a Bad Kid). And Husband, well through Torey’s manipulation of her schedule and her “overwhelming” homework, only actually sees/interacts with her for about 20 min each week. Husband is a Good Dad and I think if there were an opportunity where he could impose some legitimate consequences would be good.

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Picking Battles

Some days being a stepmom is just hard. Maybe, it’s just being a parent, but this feels especially stepmom-ish. I find there are many things that my stepkids do which annoy me. Things like slurping their noodles, drinks, yogurt or blowing their nose at the table or constantly talking over each other or slamming cupboards; they may not be Big Things but they all feel like Big Things in the moment.

 

I do call them on these things sometimes, but once I’ve made an issue over a couple of things I feel like I hit the limit for the day. Sure I could keep commenting/correcting but I feel like I’m always the bad guy. And there’s this fear that every time I say something it’s a check in the Evil Stepmom column. What’s a girl to do? I don’t say anything and I stew, annoyed. I do say something and I’m seen as hawking a poisoned apple.

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